It was back in 2014 when i realised what depression actually is. Otherwise i was clueless as to why people go in deep lows for weeks. That was somwthing tough for me to accept.
I am just pissed off with people right now. Even with my closest ones.
When i try to explain my fears and insecurities they are always like okay we got you!!! You just need a good sleep!!
Somebody please go and tell that hoe that she is not even closer to what i feel and still she is preaching.
IIt is tough! It gets tougher when you realise that you gotta wake up again.
You are going to face that day again.
Same people, same place.
Yet you must look happy. Pleased by everything happening around. Accepting what you are going thru.
I have started hating sunlight. I like my room dark and cold.
I dont eat. Not that i have stopped but i have almost forgotten what the urge to eat is like.
Even if i do. I puke.
I feel like i am falling of the cliff waiting for my death.
I see no hope and no way out.
This is what depression looks like.
This is when you get panic attacks when you cant listen to people blabbering, when you limit yourself, your thinking.
But somwwhat i m happy with myself that atleast i stood. I had the courage to stand. Atleast i m not spineless.
Cowards are those who leave.
Who give excuse.
I didnt do that.
Everyday i m learning. Growing. Talking to my fav people…..
I will not stop. Yes i will hate waking up. I will hate people. I will have anxiety and all.
But i will choose myself. My true self.
I will move. Slowly and steady.
But i will move.
HoneyMoon 