“All i have is all I need”
Just the way happiness is not a permanent state but a phase so is satisfaction.
When you are all alone quarantined and suddenly your phone goes off you get striked with realities of life.
The same happened to me. I am COVID +. I keep laying down with a nostril blocked and weakness surrounding me with several questions questioning my whole existence as a human.
I have been insensitively called a person affected with “existential crisis” by people even when they were unaware of the meaning. And that’s completely okay to me. I have never felt offended by such labels because i have always been in situations where my whole thought process was questioned. I am not at all being a victim. But these things trigger another level of fear in me.
My deep analysis always lead to me the question of “what is the purpose of my existence!”
My closest Tony, has often called me out for bringing up such topics and asking me to inform him atleast 3 months before i commit suicide lol!
This is all so funny and amusing because I actually never feel like doing so! Also i feel that it is someone’s personal choice to live or to die.
People love Sushant and still are fighting for justice. Dude! Justice for what!! About who all bullied him or didnt invite to parties! Or Who all purposefully helped him snort drugs! Ultimately it is all an individual’s choice.
NCB is targeting bollywood as if till now they were so unaware. This all sounds a joke to me. No offence.
The urge to live life is very important even when you are at ur deepest and darkest. Sushant just got consumed by his own self.
The only person who can fill in that void is you yourself…
He was just tired fighting and not a loser for God’s sake. He was done and he left. His relationship with himself was over and he moved on. As easy as that. If that person wants to die, i find it quite unreasonable to lament over this. He wanted peace. Thats it. Nd this is why i want euthanasia to be legal all over the world.
Back to our original talk, i feel we get all we deserve and need and not just what we want.
Wants are never ending.
My Covid journey is about to cross a week and i have felt death surrounding me whenever i cough with complete sincerity and consistency. That has led me to amazing journey and amazing realisations.
As you are super aware of me I just want to say Thankyou. Thank you to every one who stayed with me dealt with me through all these times.
Right now, i have found my answers and each one of you has led me through them.
I dont have everything, but today I am in love with myself a little more.
Life was never this good to me. It was not a discovery of a day or a month but a real mending of heart.
This is why tough times are never bad. They always leave you with something to cherish about. Values to linger upon throughout life.
Purpose becomes questionable or mediocre when it is just about yourself.
I am happy today. Reading books, questioning myself more, having soups, meds, knowing and looking back at life, interacting with new people online. How each phase was such a beautiful lesson.
Today, i hold no grudges. I let each of my memories free, each person free. I let myself free. I let my hair flow with cold breeze, i let my painted nails compete with colors of flowers.
I wish to be more patient and more kind. Little more forgiving, little more compassionate with wholesome gratitude and love❤️.
Sometimes Days will be not okay. Sometimes i wont be satisfied. But everyday I will remind myself of all the love showered on me✨
We all fight within ourselves. Surrender to your inner battles. Do what you feel right at the moment coz life is all about moments and it happens just once. Leave no room For regrets.
I am sorry to anyone who felt i was wrong someday.
Much love.
Parul.
Thankyou Geeta,❤️
HoneyMoon 