“Existential crisis is the breakdown of the self/ego. It’s the beginning of the realization that you might not be who you thought you were all along. This will bring into question EVERYTHING of the old self. All your motivations, desires, goals, personality, values etc… will be on the chopping block. Once you realize this, most, if not everything you valued will fall to the wayside. An existential crisis means that you are starting to find yourself, your true self. And if you follow that path to its conclusion, you’ll find that life is much simpler than what it was before, that your self is an illusion and much of what we give value to in life, has little to no meaning; certainly not in the way we thought of as before.” — Ramblings of My Mind
Everyday when waking up to rising sun fills you up with lots of questions rather than excitement for the day…this is how my existential crisis wishes me Good Morning.
I try to control and console my self leading my day or trying to lead my day with my full strength.
It is very tiresome when you try to concentrate but your mind won’t let you.
It keeps asking me “whatchya doin girl! Why you doin’ that! You are gonna die anyway!”
Brutal right!
I feel sad and depressed after every happy moment or after every event. I sometimes feel that I obey my emotions way too much! But I can’t help! I want to scream for help! As if i m stuck in a deep dark well and the only person listening to my scream and echo is also just me.
I almost feel it after every time. Even after having an intimate and comforting talk with my lover!
Sometimes i feel that how does it matter what i am doing! Coz i am already very minuscule wrt milky way! And hardly anything can initiate any change!
Right now my personality, my thoughts, relationships, friends, my morals and my actions are under my own critical analysis.
This self criticism has though helped me a lot in being more practical and calm. I guess i seldom feel connected with anyone anymore.
“Outcasted” is something i can associate myself with. Not that my peeps don’t want to understand but the problem is that they hardly understand and I always express it in a multidimensional way rather than a straight line.
My thoughts carry so much power over me that I can’t get rid over them even if i want to. My close ones say “stop thinking about it! It will end!!” I just remain silent listening to every advice knowing that it wont help me!
I dont want your advice to be honest. I just want you to understand thats it! To listen to me! To make me feel that yes! My pain is making sense.
Dealing with back to back anxiety attacks has left me tired and sick!
I am hoping and i wish this gets okay with time. Rest is upto my hormones.
Bye.
HoneyMoon 